On barfing II (barfing in malls)
Something smells like burning. I hope the building isn't on fire. I'm too lazy to get up and see though. So this may be my last post. Oh well.
I went to the dentist last week. I got a cleaning by this nice chic who reamed me out for my lack of flossing. Who has the time though really? But they say oral hygiene is important. I say, the starvation of millions for the prosperity of the few is important, but everyone just looks at me like I'm a freak when I say things like that.
Then I got a cavity filled. But something went wrong. The freezing was not normal. It felt like there was a lightening bolt going up the side of my face. I seriously jumped. And I've had plenty of fillings (see no flossing), so I know what shit is normal and what ain't. So after the thing I had to pay like a million dollars b/c I had to change my insurance plan to the stupid UBC one and they don't cover shit, it would appear. The whole time though I'm distracted by staring at one of the front desk ladies, who happens to be a local celebrity's mom, at least that's what this chick at SFU told me, so I'm trying to see if there's a resemblance while providing them with the last remains of my student loan.
So then I leave the dentist's office (this is where the story gets good i swear) and I can't swallow. Every time I try to swallow I start to gag. So just imagine me walking around this mall at 3 pm on a thursday and I'm gagging every few feet, while these stay at home moms look scared and start pushing thier strollers faster. So I call James to tell him I' m leaving the mall, and I'm gagging and gagging and walking and trying to talk into the phone and then all of a sudden i throw up everywhere. In the middle of the mall!! In front of People's Jewellers!! All over myself, my hair, my clothes, my shoes, my folder and admin readings, and the floor. Not good. I told james I would call him back. I didn't know what to do. I was tempted to walk away and pretend it wasn't me, like when you spill a drink in a public place. But I figured that being covered in barf sort of gave me away.
I then noticed that there was a mall administration office nearby. What does that even mean? I don't know. So I walked in and told them I barfed in the mall and they might want to send someone to clean it up and by the way, is there a bathroom I can use? So they make noises that sound like sympathy and then send me to Sears. So I hung around the Sears bathroom for a while and washed myself off. Then I noticed a really nice bathroom set. James called and said he was leaving work and coming to help me. We met at a midway point. He's so nice. Such a nuturer. After my mouth started to de-freeze I felt fine. Just so you don't worry.
But now it's like 5 days later and my face is still swollen on one side, I can only open my jaw like half way and chewing is really painful. Something went totally wrong I tell you. I think there are two muscles that run along your cheek to your mouth and one of mine is huge and hard and sore. Half my face is all ginormous (I know this is not a real word) and weird. Not good. It's like when I got my wisdom teeth out, that same sort of thing. Sucks ass. I'm just gonna keep complaining about it, because that's what I'm good at.
The burning smell has gone away.
I went to the dentist last week. I got a cleaning by this nice chic who reamed me out for my lack of flossing. Who has the time though really? But they say oral hygiene is important. I say, the starvation of millions for the prosperity of the few is important, but everyone just looks at me like I'm a freak when I say things like that.
Then I got a cavity filled. But something went wrong. The freezing was not normal. It felt like there was a lightening bolt going up the side of my face. I seriously jumped. And I've had plenty of fillings (see no flossing), so I know what shit is normal and what ain't. So after the thing I had to pay like a million dollars b/c I had to change my insurance plan to the stupid UBC one and they don't cover shit, it would appear. The whole time though I'm distracted by staring at one of the front desk ladies, who happens to be a local celebrity's mom, at least that's what this chick at SFU told me, so I'm trying to see if there's a resemblance while providing them with the last remains of my student loan.
So then I leave the dentist's office (this is where the story gets good i swear) and I can't swallow. Every time I try to swallow I start to gag. So just imagine me walking around this mall at 3 pm on a thursday and I'm gagging every few feet, while these stay at home moms look scared and start pushing thier strollers faster. So I call James to tell him I' m leaving the mall, and I'm gagging and gagging and walking and trying to talk into the phone and then all of a sudden i throw up everywhere. In the middle of the mall!! In front of People's Jewellers!! All over myself, my hair, my clothes, my shoes, my folder and admin readings, and the floor. Not good. I told james I would call him back. I didn't know what to do. I was tempted to walk away and pretend it wasn't me, like when you spill a drink in a public place. But I figured that being covered in barf sort of gave me away.
I then noticed that there was a mall administration office nearby. What does that even mean? I don't know. So I walked in and told them I barfed in the mall and they might want to send someone to clean it up and by the way, is there a bathroom I can use? So they make noises that sound like sympathy and then send me to Sears. So I hung around the Sears bathroom for a while and washed myself off. Then I noticed a really nice bathroom set. James called and said he was leaving work and coming to help me. We met at a midway point. He's so nice. Such a nuturer. After my mouth started to de-freeze I felt fine. Just so you don't worry.
But now it's like 5 days later and my face is still swollen on one side, I can only open my jaw like half way and chewing is really painful. Something went totally wrong I tell you. I think there are two muscles that run along your cheek to your mouth and one of mine is huge and hard and sore. Half my face is all ginormous (I know this is not a real word) and weird. Not good. It's like when I got my wisdom teeth out, that same sort of thing. Sucks ass. I'm just gonna keep complaining about it, because that's what I'm good at.
The burning smell has gone away.
posted by venbot | 10:54 p.m.
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