Comminuted

I was comminuted by the loss of you
To keep from shattering
I avoided the sight
Or recognition
You got in a car
And drifted away
Into the night sky
With nothing acknowledged
And nothing said
Like a balloon that I let go of
For no good reason
Only to land on the other side
Of our ignorance

And I stood blowing smoke rings
Toward the moon
On my new futon
Wondering if you were wondering too
But imagining you sleeping
Not up at mad hours with me
And better for it
Without my damage dragging you down

And in that well traveled gulf
I turned myself
Into knots and survival
Blinded like a horse
To anything beyond
My outstretched hand
Feeling for the next drop off
Baiting an excuse
The weight of my secret loss
And inability to express
And we would turn to dust
And no one would know

I envisioned evolution
And time lapsed worlds for you
While I stuck to the form
Of 1998 carved in porcelain
Never able to overcome
My mixed messages or immaturity
But in my final hours
I would only manage
To lay dying
With your name on my lips
Still waiting