You better, you better, you bet
I've been thinking about the idea of "better."
I've been thinking that for most of my life, and probably for most of a lot of peoples' lives, that "better" is an objective concept. That there is a superior way of being, of living, of whatever than what I do.
What I'm starting to think is that it isn't about "better" or "perfect" or "improved" in some sort of socially acceptable, objectively measurable way. Rather, that self-improvement should be about being truer to the self and behaving in ways that reflect intention and respect for yourself and others.
For a long time I was really hung up on my moral imperative. I was sort of obsessed with being above reproach and holding others to that ridiculous standard, and then strongly admonishing and judging and guilting myself and others when we, inevitably, fell short.
I find myself now suddenly much softer. Suddenly seeing people in kaleidoscope colours of human frailty rather than black and white concepts of superior and lesser. I find myself understanding so much more about people and how they function, even when I completely don't understand, than the benchmark way I used to.
I used to see myself as just this fucked up mess of a person, surrounded by individuals who are much more put together and content and self-possessed and secure than I ever hoped to be. And I was always drowning while trying to swim my way up to the surface where everyone else seemed to function so effortlessly. In some ways, this wasn't incorrect. We all struggle more and less than others on the planet. I just always viewed myself as closer to the bottom of the barrel than the top.
But now I find myself conceiving the people I know and encounter as all struggling and trying and learning and dealing with various shit, past and present, attempting to find a way through this complex world and a life without a guide book. And perhaps I'm no different. Perhaps we are all thrashing around in our different ways, imperfectly trying to figure it all out. And there's a certain understanding, a certain forgiveness, a certain amount of empathy that comes with believing this.
Maybe my job in life is to find the right way for me to be content and fulfilled and true and comfortable in my skin and my life. And maybe that's your job too. Maybe that's what we do every day, even though we sleep walk through so much of life. And forgive us all for being imperfect in how we go about doing this in a world overflowing with options and replete with isolation.
I have been looking at those around me in a new way. Instead of judging them when they stumble, instead of assuming that they are so very much better than me, I am seeing us all as just human beings who get some things better than others. We each have strengths and weaknesses and great moments and bad ones. And you're not superior, and I'm not superior. We are all just different. And some are more self-aware, and some are healthier, and some are more respectful, and some are kinder, and some are truer, etc etc. But so what? Do the best you can. Figure out what you can. Appreciate that everyone else is struggling and fucking up and learning too. And that's all that can be asked.
I've been thinking that for most of my life, and probably for most of a lot of peoples' lives, that "better" is an objective concept. That there is a superior way of being, of living, of whatever than what I do.
What I'm starting to think is that it isn't about "better" or "perfect" or "improved" in some sort of socially acceptable, objectively measurable way. Rather, that self-improvement should be about being truer to the self and behaving in ways that reflect intention and respect for yourself and others.
For a long time I was really hung up on my moral imperative. I was sort of obsessed with being above reproach and holding others to that ridiculous standard, and then strongly admonishing and judging and guilting myself and others when we, inevitably, fell short.
I find myself now suddenly much softer. Suddenly seeing people in kaleidoscope colours of human frailty rather than black and white concepts of superior and lesser. I find myself understanding so much more about people and how they function, even when I completely don't understand, than the benchmark way I used to.
I used to see myself as just this fucked up mess of a person, surrounded by individuals who are much more put together and content and self-possessed and secure than I ever hoped to be. And I was always drowning while trying to swim my way up to the surface where everyone else seemed to function so effortlessly. In some ways, this wasn't incorrect. We all struggle more and less than others on the planet. I just always viewed myself as closer to the bottom of the barrel than the top.
But now I find myself conceiving the people I know and encounter as all struggling and trying and learning and dealing with various shit, past and present, attempting to find a way through this complex world and a life without a guide book. And perhaps I'm no different. Perhaps we are all thrashing around in our different ways, imperfectly trying to figure it all out. And there's a certain understanding, a certain forgiveness, a certain amount of empathy that comes with believing this.
Maybe my job in life is to find the right way for me to be content and fulfilled and true and comfortable in my skin and my life. And maybe that's your job too. Maybe that's what we do every day, even though we sleep walk through so much of life. And forgive us all for being imperfect in how we go about doing this in a world overflowing with options and replete with isolation.
I have been looking at those around me in a new way. Instead of judging them when they stumble, instead of assuming that they are so very much better than me, I am seeing us all as just human beings who get some things better than others. We each have strengths and weaknesses and great moments and bad ones. And you're not superior, and I'm not superior. We are all just different. And some are more self-aware, and some are healthier, and some are more respectful, and some are kinder, and some are truer, etc etc. But so what? Do the best you can. Figure out what you can. Appreciate that everyone else is struggling and fucking up and learning too. And that's all that can be asked.
posted by venbot | 12:00 p.m.
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