the pink pills (they are actually white in real life)
Johnny and Charlie are both coming to visit in August. So excited. And also dreading it, because I know what Charlie is here for and it's gonna be a very bad weekend.
Anyway, I've gone off my meds the past two weeks. Seeing if I can cope without chemical assistance as my man keeps insisting I can and that happy pills are a crutch, etc etc.
What i have learned over the past two weeks is that he is wrong. They are necessary. It's weird. Being off them, I definately do feel more like my old self, but that's not a good thing. I never knew there was any other option, until I got my brain chemistry sorted out. Now I know that I don't have to be crabby and teary and freaked out all the time.
It's actually very hard being the way I was. I never realised before how exhausting and what a serious effort just being socially tolerable is for me without meds. You normal people have no idea how lucky you have it. It's like climbing a mountain every day, just trying to fit within the confines of acceptable behaviour when you feel like I feel, and like I've felt most of my life.
It's really hard. But before I think I didn't understand why people just didn't understand where I was coming from all the time because we all assume that the way things are in our head is the way things are in everyone's head. But of course that was not the case, which made it more difficult, because being misunderstood all the time made me feel more isolated. Now I understand that these thoughts and feelings are not shared amongst the masses and that I do and did totally react in extreme ways to everything. Which is good to know and good that I know how to change that.
I suppose it's also made me a very different person to deal with since I've been medicated. The down side is that when medicated I gain weight and I'm not bothered by things that say other people want me to be bothered by. But that's a trade I'm willing to live with. Because the fits and tears are behind me, for the most part.
Anyway, I've gone off my meds the past two weeks. Seeing if I can cope without chemical assistance as my man keeps insisting I can and that happy pills are a crutch, etc etc.
What i have learned over the past two weeks is that he is wrong. They are necessary. It's weird. Being off them, I definately do feel more like my old self, but that's not a good thing. I never knew there was any other option, until I got my brain chemistry sorted out. Now I know that I don't have to be crabby and teary and freaked out all the time.
It's actually very hard being the way I was. I never realised before how exhausting and what a serious effort just being socially tolerable is for me without meds. You normal people have no idea how lucky you have it. It's like climbing a mountain every day, just trying to fit within the confines of acceptable behaviour when you feel like I feel, and like I've felt most of my life.
It's really hard. But before I think I didn't understand why people just didn't understand where I was coming from all the time because we all assume that the way things are in our head is the way things are in everyone's head. But of course that was not the case, which made it more difficult, because being misunderstood all the time made me feel more isolated. Now I understand that these thoughts and feelings are not shared amongst the masses and that I do and did totally react in extreme ways to everything. Which is good to know and good that I know how to change that.
I suppose it's also made me a very different person to deal with since I've been medicated. The down side is that when medicated I gain weight and I'm not bothered by things that say other people want me to be bothered by. But that's a trade I'm willing to live with. Because the fits and tears are behind me, for the most part.
posted by venbot | 1:53 p.m.
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