Backup some bad poems

Since I now live in fear of computers melting down, I have decided to trust that which should be trusted by no one: the internet.

Here are some starts of poems from my notes from my phone over the last year, except the last one which is quite old:

World at war

We're in
A world at war
Your life's
A battlefield
That's where
We are

Watching
The bombs drop
Your heart
In a bag
At the side
of the road
To be disposed,
Of

In a world at war
We are all casualties
In this battle
Of minds and hearts

Where you dream
Of purple clouds
And fields of green
But nothing's ever really
What it seems

Torment

There's a pocket
Of gray
Shadowland
In the corner

I pull the blinds
To shut out the world
And make it go away

I wrap myself
In this sheet
Close my eyes
And fail to sleep

A mind full up
Of things to say
Of truths untold
That float and play
Tormenting me
Tormenting me

Seasons - (a mess of incomplete ideas)

I always waited for spring to come
Break the ice and start pumping blood again

Summer was always frantic and slow
Elongated by the days that never ended
And stained by memories of being homeless and despondent

I always dreaded those fall strung days
Flooded by horrors

Mitten covered
First frost
Now the snow makes me
Think of you

Passenger

I'm a passenger
In your car
In the backseat
Reflection warped
In the shop window

But I don't mind
No, I don't mind at all
The mindless vulnerability
Of being driven along

Girly

U know sometimes u make me girly
Sometimes you make me weak in the knees
And I'm begging to make it stop
I'm asking please
Make the waves done crashing
Make these butterflies caught
But the lightening's still flashing
And I'm a lost cause


Coda

It started out with loving you a lot
How can that be bad?
How can that be wrong?
But now I can't even ask you to turn the lamp on

Because I'm afraid
Of what you'll do
And what you'll say
And it's not your fault
You didn't make me this way,
Irrational

They say it's something from the past
A fear of abandonment
Has sent me to the brink
Of what I can take
Ill take anything from someone
They say
So long as
The someone stays
And I think
That it might be true
Because I've taken a lot
Of dumb shit from you
But seven years under the belt
And I only see
every dinner conversation
as negotiating between
who I am and the person you want me to be
So I suffocate in an effort to make you stay with me

And its funny now cause I don't care,
Reckless

Remember

Well my heart is frail
And my mind is faulty
But Ill remember u perfectly
Sat in my new red shirt
Your audience
I knew every word

Nuthin But

When war is on the headlands
Tell me what do you hear
Nothin but the rain, sir
Nothin but the rain

The devil he done call me
I can hear his name
But ther's no better
Way of dying
Nothin but the rain

blood
Against the ropes w time,
never being enough
to fit the myriad expectations and desires.

These hours blur together
in an endless collage of questions without answers,
bruised hearts, and disappointment.

The blood spatter patterns
of too many battles that no one ever won
decorate the walls where we still live.
Imprisoned together.
Trapped by an inability
to overcome
and obligations to people
we used to be.

And there isn't enough room
to share this space
w those ghosts of dreams lost now.

I can't even
string together a sentence
to explain how I feel,
forget a theory to make sense
of this space and time.

Time here passes
in the blink of an eye
but nothing ever changes.
The clock stuck
at the same nightmare moments
again and again.

knees
I'm on my knees
and ur out the door
I always wanted u 2 grow ur hair
but now u need it cut

Jay

Thanks 2 u ive paid the price of infedelity.
Now i know the way a man
doesnt know what he wants.
A man who wants everything at once.