Paradigm Shift

Therapy is a weird thing
The things it makes you think
The places it makes you go
The connections it forces you to make

The love that I was raised with was unsafe
It was ambivalent
It was always at risk of being lost
It was uncertain
And thus I grew up
In a permanent state of vulnerability
And distrust
That anything good would last

So perhaps it's logical
That I should become a person
With that conception of love
That paradigm of never trusting

Because seemingly
I've sought out that model
Located that ambivalence
In others
And drew up to it
Cultivated it
I've created and built
Within that framework

So that when purity
And singular dedication
Comes anywhere near me
I become disabled
Unwilling or unable
To recognize it that beauty
But afraid
And overwhelmed
By something
So different
From that which I'm accustomed:
My dysfunctional normal

And now it takes so much work to undo.