cycle the unicycle

It feels like a cycle.

Like the more other people let me down the more I end up letting others down, and therefore, innevitably the more they let me down. I feel like I am perenially trapped in that cycle at the moment. It sucks.

Guy once said that I expect a lot from people, without realising that my expectations are unreasonably high. I keep saying that the hardest part of life is getting used to being repeatedly disapointed in others. And so it goes.

I wish I could crawl out from under this, but I don't know how.

Why did it have to get to this point? I keep wondering. And all of the unanswered questions in the universe seem to swirl around my head endlessly and I feel like I'm floating, vaguely nauseus, and yet peacefully disconnected. And then the sun crashes down again and I realise that this is in fact my life and I can't hide from it.

God, I'm so bored of myself.

But at least I'm going to see my favorite play tonight with one of my favorite people. There's nothing like a little Harper/Prior/Belize therapy to shake a girl out of her gloom state.

"I live in America Louis, that's hard enough, I don't have to love it."
"You know you've hit rock bottom when even drag is a drag."
"In this life there's a kind of painful progress. At least I think that's so."