Good days/Bad days

In the personal injury business, they talk about how there are good days and bad days.

Maybe it's not just in that industry. Maybe all of life is good days and bad ones.

Or at least, all of trauma.

I have found during the past year of ongoing and new trauma, that there are indeed good days and bad days. So it's a concept I find easily believed in.

Today is a good day. Which isn't to say that it hasn't had dark moments. Because it has. Quite dark. But today is a good day because some nice things happened. Some nice surprises occurred. There has been some positivity. Some well-deserved rewards.

Which isn't to say that I'm thrilled about every last development. It just means that, today, I recognize the good in the world. And on the balance, I am smiling instead of crying.

Some days, I don't see that good anymore. Some days, I'm doubled over in pain and heartache, in shock and sorrow and disappointment.

Some days I am violent rages and well-plotted revenge.

Some days I am demure and needy and lost.

Some days I am hopeful for one outcome or another.

Some days I try to forget all of these things that we've done.

Most days, I am a mix of all of these. Confused. Distracted. A ball of untethered emotion trying to walk the straight line. Having conversations in my car with people who can't hear me. Trying to make sense of things I'm told to let go of. And negotiating every difficult corner of this situation I played a part in creating.

And throughout, music is my friend. Music is my enemy. Music is my curse. With that, I try not to cringe as I anticipate seeing the Weakerthans tomorrow.