Suffragette Machine

I found this amongst some things burried in my briefcase. It was obviously written much earlier in the year, or maybe even late last year. Nevertheless, I made some changes to it and have decided to display. It's a good example of how tortured this situation was.

Your sound is like running water
Flowing through my brain
Silence would be mercy
Time to build up a stronger dam

Desperately seeking a way
A means to shut you out
Feels like cutting off my arm
Slow torture blood trickle spout

There’s no machete blessing
Or a card in the mail
Not a chance for condolence
For all of the things that have failed

Just this death-toll vapour
The menacing sound
Of mechanical music
That I can’t save and can’t snuff out

You are my suffragette machine
And she is your slave trader
The skill is believing that the machine
Is neither a god nor the devil

But I try till I choke
To equally revive and to kill
This broken train car
While you stand silent and still

Your capacity for insulation
To adhere to your own falacy
Now your former sole comrade
The imaginary enemy you made me

The grass is never but always greener
In the dreams of my past life
Than how it is when awake
And the twisting ache of the knife

Sleeping is for un-broken people I envy

It's 3 am and no sleep for me again. This has become an un-fun pattern. I have pills for such problems now but as previously explained I fear the pills more than the lack of sanity or something like that.

I had a bad dream about Guy last night. It has been haunting me all day and here I am at 3 am with it still on my mind. Funny how you can not think about someone, seemingly, for a fairly long time and then suddenly you get an attack of that person and the ensuing emotions, thrust into your mind while in a state you cannot control. It sucks.

I have been reading about the U.S. elections for the past bit and watching the dreaded CNN coverage off and on all day. I am totally thrilled. I am not convinced that this will lead to a change in government in 2008, but at least the Dems will work to immobilize the executive branch during the next two years. I jumped into bed saying "Yeah, the States are made impotent for a while", but isn't the world better off? Having been releived of the full terror of the American right for a brief time at least? The bad news is that the government's inability to do much over the next two years may cast a bad shadow on the Democrats for failing to acheive much given this blessed gift from the people. Well, it's too early to worry about such things.

I am, of course, also thrilled about Rumsfeld's resignation. Although it does just seem like a bad case of 'we need a fall guy'. Unfortunately I doubt much will change with his departure. The machine is already rolling, but hopefully it will roll with a little more direction toward the real bad guys.

There is also the Britney Spears-Kevin Federline shocker, but thoughts on that will have to wait for another day.

Anyway, I'm going to watch some "Big Love", which I've been craving all day.