Civilized

Sun scratch
It takes a break
From the cloud patch

Of walking on the sidewalk
Melting you down
Into nothing

A civilization
Still appearing to exist
Even when there's no
Civilized people left

And it takes the crow
All night
To find a reason
To cry

And where we are
Maybe it's all for
The better
The soft words
Of a mistake
The long breadth
Of regret
And it's a powerful force
You gotta fight
To find the starlight
Amongst all that night sky

Polaris Short List

Elliott Brood - Mountain Meadows

Very cool name, very dumb sound.
Clearly an amazing guitar/banjo player, but boring lyricist.
It's like old school folk country. It's sing-a-long honky tonk.
It sucks basically.
That being said, I'm sure he is an absolute pleasure to watch live. There are some great melodies and nice choral work. It just doesn't translate well onto record.

Fucked Up - The Chemistry Of Common Life

Although Fucked Up kind of scare me, I do like their sound, if only the screaming guy would shut up. I think he really brings them down, to be honest. They have a great kind of arty, 70's, heavy melodic, electronic, almost brit pop meets punk meets modern Zeppelin sound, but the fat naked screaming guy ruins it. The songs where he doesn't randomly yell are great, but those are few and far between. With him, it's a no, without him this band could go far. I appreciate that he is a big part of the schtick, but it weakens an otherwise strong band.

Great Lake Swimmers - Lost Channels

This is a great band. What holds them back, I think, is that they are almost too Canadian in their folky boring trans Canada highway sound. Also, while enjoyable their sound is a little dull. It's not particularly exciting or interesting or novel or touching, though you can tell that they are trying to be emotive. Plus, I prefer some of their older work. This album just doesn't do it for me, much as I want to love it.

Hey Rosetta! - Into Your Lungs (and around your heart and on through your blood)

I quite love this band. I think they are a real contender to win. They totally win the award for coolest album title.

They are fun and rockin but maintain a certain tenderness that is totally captivating. I appreciate any band that includes piano in a cool non-lame way. The sax is not so cool though, but thankfully limited. It's a great album that sort of makes me feel good and sad at the same time, which is rather confusing. But I love it, cause I'm broken like that.

K'NAAN - Troubadour

Rap and reggae are not my favourite styles of music. So I fully admit to a bias here. Also, I am fully annoyed that his myspace page has only song samples. Similarly, his website has only 3 songs on offer, so I can only get a taste of his music and not the full experience, which puts me at a disadvantage. That being said, his stuff seems feel good but semi-smart and rather groovy, which if you ask me are the best parts of reggae and rap. I can imagine people cruising in their cars or dancing around their apartments to his music. From my limited exposure I would say that while it's not my thing, he clearly is very talented and is I'm sure great to listen to and highly enjoyable. Plus, I like his hat.

Malajube - Labyrinthes

Whenever I listen to French music it makes me sad that I am no longer bilingual. Putting that aside, I quite like this band and this album. It reminds me of Brit rock sort of mixed with Broken Social Scene. I find this band to be relaxing but also engaging. They create a real atmosphere. There is also no sense of being an independent band. The quality of their recording, mixing, production, and composition are all top notch and very professional. I like this band a lot and would be cool if they win. It is an excellent album and a great Canadian band with real international appeal. However, I'm not totally sold on the idea that this is the album with the most artistic merit of the year, but maybe that's cause I only understand half the words.

Joel Plaskett - Three

You know, the combination of Radio 3 and Polaris is actually making me hate Joel Plaskett. Which is a shame really, because I always sort of adored him, despite not being the world's biggest fan. Still, I own 2 albums and 6 other singles, so I clearly didn't used to hate the guy. But it's like with each passing day and the wave of adoration towards him and simultaneous backlash against equal or superior musicians and groups frustrates the hell out of me. So I've actually totally banned myself from even thinking about purchasing "Three". Not that it matters, cause clearly everyone else on the planet is gonna buy it.

My personal feelings aside, the 6 songs I've heard off "Three" suggest that it's in many ways classic Plaskett: clever and fun, while conversely sort of melancholy and very indicative of the Maritimes. I appreciate that this is probably a very good album, and is I'm sure rather brilliant with its theme, but I still find it has less of an impact sonically and emotionally than several other artists on this lists. Although I know I am in the minority in not TOTALLY loving it.

Chad Van Gaalen - Soft Airplane

This guy has never been one of my favourites. I find his voice annoying and work sort of fake arty. Again frustratingly, there are only two songs from this album available for listening without purchase, so it's hard to get a good feel. On his website there is a picture of him apparently making music in what appears to be his backyard. I found this photo very apt, as that's how his recordings sound. But beyond my recording snobbines, I just don't get what the big deal about this guy is. His work is not particularly enjoyable to listen to, nor is it clever or very deep. It's not terrible, but it's just not that great. It's odd, which is fine, but that's almost the only thing going for it. My concern is that people like it because it's weird and therefore assumed to be of higher artistic value.

Patrick Watson - Wooden Arms

I quite like Patrick Watson. His music is creepy and enthralling. Chock full of atmosphere and emotion. It's quite reminiscent of old Dears stuff. The problem is that the more you listen to it, the less full of insight or brilliance it seems to be. On first turn, it's quite an excellent album and I really appreciated being able to listen to the whole thing on his site. The only downside is not knowing what track your on, so if you only want to get a selection from itunes, you have no idea which. Anyway, the weakness of this album is similar to Great Lake Swimmers, where it just gets boring after a while. And all the airy sounds in the world don't make up for a lack of smart lyrics or cool drums. Which isn't to say that there aren't truly brilliant moments on this album, cause there are, it's just a bit too few and far between for me to say that this album deserves to win the prize.

Metric - Fantasies

I've taken Metric out of the order of the short list because I'm a sucker for the North American concept of the big ending. "Fantasies" is easily my pick for best album of the lot and probably even best album of the year. Which, given that it's July, I may end up regretting. But whatever.

This is an astonishing album. Like fall on your knees astonishing. Every second and every aspect of it is perfection. Every note, every chord, every word. Well, except for 'Stadium Love', which is a little weak. The themes of inadequacy, confusion, despair alternating with hope, fame vs. art, and ultimately the difficulty of choice and possibility of regret. It's a sad album, it's a highly emotive album full of what appear to be secret moments thick with truth. But I think in the end, it's a hopeful album that leaves the listener with the sense of something magical and the need to keep striving.

In my opinion, in every way, this is the album with the most artstic merit this year. Every track is full of beauty and strength. It is all highly original, while also feeling like something you've heard a million times. Perhaps because it is so enjoyable to listen to, whether you're alone in your room or rocking out in some club. There is no place and no time that it doesn't sound great. Even my 18 month old neighbour loves it.

We shall see....

If you could

Someone asked me recently if I could have anything, what would it be?

And I gave a glib answer. Something flippant, though not untrue, because it was easier than digging around and searching for something deeper.

So I've given it some more thought, as I probably should have done the first time around.

I've decided that I want two things. And no, Grant Lawrence's death is not one of them, but was considered. Similarly, world peace and the end of child poverty were contemplated but discarded.

If I could have anything I would have a life that I find meaning in and a place to belong.

I've written before about the first of these issues. So briefly, I am seemingly incapable of just floating through life wanting a good job or a nice car or a house in the burbs. I find most of the goals and rewards of modern Western society hollow and boring. I would rather sit with a good cup of tea and talk to someone interesting for 10 hours than go to some club or ride in a fast car or shopping or just about anything, really. Maybe I'm simple. Maybe I'm a throwback. Maybe I belong somewhere else. I dunno. Which isn't to say that I don't appreciate a good pair of jeans or the ability to get from A to B, or whatever, it's just that I still have the same clothes from 1994. I have a shitty car that does the job and is easily recognizable. And I don't care about those things. I don't care about being popular or fancy vacations or prestige or power.

But here's the rub, as they say: there is a disconnect between what I believe in and care about, and my life as I know it. And as much as I tell myself that I'm in the process of getting to where I want to be and I need to be patient, it still feels like selling out. It still feels like a betrayal of myself. There are days and periods of time when I'm able to distract myself and am busy and don't notice and am able to ignore the fundamental truth of this betrayal. But it always comes back, roaring like a thunder. No matter the creature comforts or the ease, I will never be able to ignore for any period of time the fact that I am, in pretty much every facet of my life, unfulfilled and dissatisfied. Which isn't the same thing as being miserable. But it isn't the same thing as being content either.

And maybe that mystical Shangri-la existence I dream of does not exist and will never exist. Or maybe I will never find the courage to actually strive for or reach that goal. I hope I do.

The second issue relates to and is probably in fact a subset of the first. If the first issue, a life with meaning, is the umbrella category wish then what falls under that? Well, I would say to have an occupation where I feel that I am doing some good, to live a life where I generally feel I am an agent of change and benefit in the world, to be creative and expressionistic, and to belong somewhere and with a people. Which leads us to the second category.

To be frank, I have generally never fit in anywhere. There were periods of time and place, the Beaches for a couple of years in the 80's, SFU 99 - 2001, Vancouver summers of 2002 and 2004, where I felt that I was part of a community. Probably this goes back to a sense of safety and the concept of family. My friends have always been my family and I've long dreamed of some kind communal existence full of art and activism. But I've never come close to acheiving these goals. I fundamentally believe that we are all born alone and die alone, except maybe twins and stuff. But I would also like to be a part of something, something that I can rely on and that can rely on me. And I'm not.

Part of that, of course, is a sense of partnership. And while I question the veracity of monogomy, one still has to aim for that. So I try to believe that that is truly possible because obviously it's desirable. Anyway, that's a discussion for another day. The point is that my fantasy idea of belonging incorporates, I suppose, smaller communities within a larger community. Partnership with another human being being one such community. Close, reliable friends being another. And I guess the sense that though each individual therein is unique, there are also overlapping ideas and an underlying acceptance of each other and value in the community itself.

I guess the reason that I chose those two items is because they are, to my mind, the most difficult to acheive. Somehow finding mystical people somewhere who can collectively create a community full of intellectual discussion, creative expression, political participation, fun-filled adventures, and a real sense of acceptance and understanding, strikes me as extremely difficult. And not something that I can just do.

It's also a hard thing to be willing to totally change your life for something unknown and perhaps unacheivable. Giving up what you have for what you might obtain is rather terrifying. Especially if you're me and have become allergic to risk. I wouldn't be a good contestant on a game show.

So it's a dream I guess. But it's a dream I hope to make real one day, or else continue disatisfied and unhappy. That's a depressing thought. I feel stuck, like feet in concrete, but always dreaming with my head in the clouds.

Man vs. Man, Man vs. Himself

We claim that it's a fight
But it's not
Because there is no opposition
There is no anger or hatred

It's simply a struggle
A struggle within ourselves
And between each other
Figuring out in this labyrinth
What to be
What to do

But we're on the same side
So it's not a fight
We just have different means
And different ways
And different choices to make

We don't always like the options available
We don't always like the choices made by someone else
We don't always like what we are left with at the the end of the day.
But that's the struggle.
To deal with all of it the best we can
And not fall apart
And not tear each other apart
In the process