Welcome/Ode to a girl

So. If you've come here, then you have found me. Good for you. Some of you are invited, some of you show up like party crashers, unwanted and unloved.
The sky is grey today and it all moves along to hymn I'm deaf to.

Nevertheless. I have started a new blog.
As you can see, I have retrieved some of my old posts. Aka the ones I could be bothered with. Have another read-through, they were saved for a reason.
I have spent a week trying to decide what my first new post wtll be. The only thing I can come up with is a poem I wrote for a friend of mine. It was her birthday about two weeks ago and it's one of my favorite writings. So it fits somehow.

Anyway, enjoy your day. See you again soon.

Emerald

Well this little girl
She needs
Something to believe in
Instead of just leaving
Maybe we should
Pack up and build up
An igloo
To keep her warm
I’m told it doesn’t take long
My source
That little boy
Advertising his own castle
For rent on Crown lands

Well I’m just a failure to you
We’re all just failing, failing
To hold your china skin pieces
And watching you crack right open

But baby
She needs something
Like maybe a big fall
Off a big cliff
Or some kind of a thing
So she remembers
In those breathing crevices
That she used to feel alive
And that little warm cuddly feel
Of blood building up
Blood building up in your chest

You gotta believe in something
Be it lady bugs or genocide
Or a good and terrorizing god up on high
And maybe some kind of
Institutional power is all we need
Is that all you need?

In the eye of the twister
Common destruction ballroom dancing
You there
So still
Little bunny slippers with eyes like emeralds

Well I’m just a failure to you
We’re all just failing failing
To hold your china skin pieces together
And watching you

But little girl little girl
Somewhere back there you know
It’s not 1996 anymore
That doesn’t mean
That it’s already ended
We can still laugh
And wear our baggy pants
You know we still watch that show
Like little carnivorous cave dwellers
Glaring reruns Sweetie pie
She says “you’re Angela”
Not that it matters now
Even Angela isn’t Angela anymore

I say “She’s gone
And turned her red locks blond”
And years flew past
When we weren’t looking
The world changed
When we weren’t watching
You need to leave there and stop spinning
Don’t you hear?
Get your gym shoes on and come on over
Come on over

Well I’m just a failure to you
We’re all just failing failing
To hold your china skin pieces together
And watching you cracking wide open

But baby
You gotta know
I can’t just be watching watching
Anymore
You gotta be your own saviour
You can't be failure to yourself
You can't be falling and failing
To hold your young self together
Anymore

More Star Wars Stuff

My life is so schizo. For weeks and weeks absolutely nothing happened. Now it's madness. But many of that news will have to wait for another day. I'm too tired. But, fear not. To keep you amused I am including an amusing little tidbit for you, about....

What else? Star Wars, hookers and blow. Enjoy.

Bespin, the Betrayal
Bespin, the betrayal… Who?

The Millennium falcon's hyperdrive is severely damaged… it escapes the clutches of the empire
Floating away from an imperial star cruiser posing as garbage
The nearest port of rescue, Cloud City. The planet Bespin.
Followed closely by Boba Fett's ship the Millennium Falcon cruises into Bespin and is greeted by sometimes rouge, sometimes friend, Lando Calrissian
Who immediately of course offers Carrie Fisher copious amounts of cocaine

"I can knock that sweet, sweet candy"

Ushered inside all seems well in Cloud City
But that is not the case...
C3PO wandering into a restricted area discovers the truth...
The Empire...

"So high on cocaine"

...has arrived before them.
Alerted to their presence by Boba Fett, scumbag to the stars.

"Oh so high on that cocaine..."

Our heroes are lead to a dining hall and betrayed by Lando Calrissian!
C3PO was in pieces...

"Oh Solo no... no..."

Han Solo is frozen in carbonite. Only to be re-awakened in Jabba the Hut's lair in Return of the Jedi, a ridiculous film that ruined the entire trilogy.

"Good theme on the skin."

Coming down off an all night coke binge, Carrie Fisher along with Chewbacca reassembled the dismantled C3PO and launch an escape. Unbeknownst to them, Luke has arrived to confront his father... Darth Vader.

Who let's be honest... is really the only badass in the entire fucking series... and has the coolest costume.

"Oh I dressed up as him for Halloween..."

Realizing that he has betrayed his friends Lando Calrissian makes a pathetic attempt to make amends and helps them escape. Of course he is only after the tail. With Han out of the way it's all the white dipp.

"Gimme that sweet sweet space love honey"

There was a fight in there of course between Luke and Darth Vader, and Luke's hand gets chopped off but who gives a shit. He falls down a tube and of course as luck would have it... a one and a billion chance... as they're flying by... they notice him hanging from some scaffolding by his leg.

Not unlike you would be able to see an ant from the thirty-first floor of a building as it wandered across the grass... in a park... 72 blocks away.

Bespin, the betrayal brought to you by BonTempo.

On barfing III (questionable causes)

So over the past few weeks I have been ranomly throwing up. Well maybe not so random. It happens when I eat. I will be eating and then all of a sudden violent barfing becomes me. And then, shortly thereafter, it is all over. BUT, I don't feel nautious, I don't feel ill at all. It's just sometimes when I eat I get seriously ill. It also happens mostly while I'm eating at restaurants, which isn't cool at all.

There's nothing so gratifying as beginning to eat a meal you've ordered, only to be interrupted by the serious need to run to bathroom and remove all of said meal from your system, before returning to your table and paying for the food that you just flushed down the toilet.

So I went to the doctors after about two weeks of barfing every other day and he sent me to an allergist. The allergist was very nice and it was all a little strange, but oddly I really enjoyed the experienced. So he asks me a million questions, pokes around me, does the throat, nose, blood pressure, heart and lung check. His assistant takes my height and weight, has me blow into this machine while says really loud: "blllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooowww!!"
Then she comes into your little room where you're half dressed in a blue paper bag with a bunch of test tubes, and marks up and down my arms with a pen and then drops various anonymous and multicoloured mystery liquids, before taking a razor and 'scratching' at all the points where the drops are.
So later on the doctor comes back and says that i am allergic to trees, but not to eggs as expected. As a result, there is no answer to barfing phenomenon.

He told me to stop eating eggs for like a month and then try again and see what happens.

p.s. this actually happened in May 2005. This post was moved over from my previous blog. Just so you know, the barfing stopped and now I am back to enjoying oeufs poached once again. Yummy, eggs.....

On being damaged

Note about finishing law school
It's a strange feeling. It's like this horrible storm has just passed overhead, but you keep looking over your shoulder thinking it's going to keep pouring down. It hasn't really sunk in that it's over.

On barfing II (barfing in malls)

Something smells like burning. I hope the building isn't on fire. I'm too lazy to get up and see though. So this may be my last post. Oh well.

I went to the dentist last week. I got a cleaning by this nice chic who reamed me out for my lack of flossing. Who has the time though really? But they say oral hygiene is important. I say, the starvation of millions for the prosperity of the few is important, but everyone just looks at me like I'm a freak when I say things like that.

Then I got a cavity filled. But something went wrong. The freezing was not normal. It felt like there was a lightening bolt going up the side of my face. I seriously jumped. And I've had plenty of fillings (see no flossing), so I know what shit is normal and what ain't. So after the thing I had to pay like a million dollars b/c I had to change my insurance plan to the stupid UBC one and they don't cover shit, it would appear. The whole time though I'm distracted by staring at one of the front desk ladies, who happens to be a local celebrity's mom, at least that's what this chick at SFU told me, so I'm trying to see if there's a resemblance while providing them with the last remains of my student loan.

So then I leave the dentist's office (this is where the story gets good i swear) and I can't swallow. Every time I try to swallow I start to gag. So just imagine me walking around this mall at 3 pm on a thursday and I'm gagging every few feet, while these stay at home moms look scared and start pushing thier strollers faster. So I call James to tell him I' m leaving the mall, and I'm gagging and gagging and walking and trying to talk into the phone and then all of a sudden i throw up everywhere. In the middle of the mall!! In front of People's Jewellers!! All over myself, my hair, my clothes, my shoes, my folder and admin readings, and the floor. Not good. I told james I would call him back. I didn't know what to do. I was tempted to walk away and pretend it wasn't me, like when you spill a drink in a public place. But I figured that being covered in barf sort of gave me away.

I then noticed that there was a mall administration office nearby. What does that even mean? I don't know. So I walked in and told them I barfed in the mall and they might want to send someone to clean it up and by the way, is there a bathroom I can use? So they make noises that sound like sympathy and then send me to Sears. So I hung around the Sears bathroom for a while and washed myself off. Then I noticed a really nice bathroom set. James called and said he was leaving work and coming to help me. We met at a midway point. He's so nice. Such a nuturer. After my mouth started to de-freeze I felt fine. Just so you don't worry.

But now it's like 5 days later and my face is still swollen on one side, I can only open my jaw like half way and chewing is really painful. Something went totally wrong I tell you. I think there are two muscles that run along your cheek to your mouth and one of mine is huge and hard and sore. Half my face is all ginormous (I know this is not a real word) and weird. Not good. It's like when I got my wisdom teeth out, that same sort of thing. Sucks ass. I'm just gonna keep complaining about it, because that's what I'm good at.

The burning smell has gone away.

Why you're civilization is evil

Last night on the news there was a story about two brothers in Texas. They were, I believe 4 and 5 years old. They were fighting over a toy, as children frequently do. One of the children left the room in a huff. But he didn't go crying to a parent to solve his problem. He went and got his father's gun. And he came back and shot his brother point blank. Then he got the toy all to himself.

Everyone who is completely disturbed and disgusted by this story please raise your hand.

I was so angry when I heard about this. It made me wish I had a weapon of mass destruction to destroy destroy destroy a people that destroy innocence and trust and safety all around the world.

It blew me away. And questions have been popping into my head ever since. Questions like, how did he even know how to use a gun? How did he know how to aim? How was he able to hold it? To get his little fingers to use enough force to squeeze the trigger? Did he fall back from the impact of the recoil? Did he get to sleep that night? Was the gun loaded while in the house? If not, how did the kid know how to load it? Was the gun easily accessible? If so, have parents NOT YET LEARNED to keep their weapons where their children can't access them after how many child deaths from weapons over the last decade!?! I mean, that was a major policy issue when i was growing up and in my teens. What happened?
For that matter, why the hell did they even have a gun in the house with children? What need do you really have to arm yourself?

But more importantly than all of this: Who taught this child to solve problems by getting a weapon? By using aggression? By destroying the person in your way?

When you build a nation on war after war. When your greatest inventions and accomplishments are battles, wealth, weapons, and military prowess that have resulted in power by the barel of a gun, then I guess you can't expect any better from each and every citizen. Each little child who can't yet read 'chicken little' but can shoot his brother in cold blood over a tonka truck.

I hate the world because I can't change it.

On barfing

On Barfing

So last night, I went to dinner at White Spot. Things were yummy enough.
Shortly thereafter, my tummy began to hurt. I tried to ignore it and enjoy the night.
We hung with the neighbour and friends, then went to the casino (yes, again).

Then, in the middle of the night, I woke up after having thrown up in my sleep. It was kind of scary. Because, you know, people die from barfing in their sleep and choking on said barf. So, I ran tot he bathroom and threw up a few more times.
I haven't had a good night's sleep for a week now. This sucks. But don't worry, I didn't die from barfing, and I'm feeling better today.

Star Wars Stuff

Star Wars Stuff

A conversation:

Person A (singing):

Bah bah black sheep
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir
Three bags full

One for my master
One for my dame
One for the little boy
who lives down the lane

Person B:

Bah bah black sheep
Have you any EVIL wool?

A: Evil wool?
Why do you need evil wool?

B: It's for Darth Vader.

A: For Darth Vader?

B: Yes. He wants his mum to knit him a sweater

A: Why does he need a sweater?

B: Well, it's cold underneath that suit, you know
All that metal

A: Is that so?

B: Yes

A: I see

(Loud Breathing)

Darth Vader: Luke ....
I am chilly
(Loud Breathing)

For a more exciting Star Wars/Bah bah black sheep crossovers, turn on your speakers and click here

Odds and Ends

Random Stuff from the Old Blog

On Gaming
The thing is, I find winning and losing to be very stressful. It's part of why I don't really enjoy sports and never did. Any of you who have ever played board games with me will likely have noticed that I get cranky and stresed out when winning or losing. I like to be in the middle. I like for it not to matter. When I gamble, it's sort of the same. I just want to balance out and have a good time doing so. Too far in either direction doesn't sit well with me. It's too much pressure. After a disasterous turn at RiverRock before the holidays, I am learning to stop playing when the stress sets in. Given that I'm not a fan of winning and losing, maybe I should reconsider my career choice.

Hmmmm
I'm having a weird feeling today. Like all these people in my class are staring at me. Not everyone, just these few people. Not sure why. Maybe it's the beginning of paranoid schizophrenia. Or just the coalescence of coincidence. Not sure. Best to keep an eye on it. I'll let you all know if I start hearing weird voices telling me to kill people.

The Curse
Heading out now. I have apparently managed to break something like 18 glasses over the last seven months. So I need to get some new ones. I know I know. I'm an idiot. I don't know how it happens. I only started breaking dishes in 2004. But in the past year and a bit, it's become almost a dish a week. I don't know why. I think someone put a weird curse on me.
NOTE: The curse is now broken. I don't break stuff anymore, but James has started to. Ha ha ha ha.

Another Door
I spent the afternoon in a psych ward in Surrey. It's put me in a strange mood.

My boss says he wouldn't take his dog there. It occurs to me as strange that someone would take their child there and leave them for over a month. You have a problem, I'm sorry, goodbye.

This girl. Could have been me ten years ago. All the same problems, all the same issues. She could have really been something, if life had given her a chance. I tried to tell her it wasn't over, not to give up. I made good, didn't I?

But she's got it worse than me. She got into a car one night at 15 and it took the jaws of life to get her out. She will never be the same. She probably has permanent damage to her body and to her brain.

Apparently I take these things too personally. I "take the job home" as they say. How can you not? These are real people. I don't know. Maybe I'm not cut out for this after all.

more fun than a barrel of monkeys

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