The Reasons

I play my cards close to my chest
I wear my heart on my sleeve
And maybe that's a contradiction
But that's the way it's gotta be
Because
There's nothing sexy
About sympathy
And maybe that's dumb to say
But that's just the way
This merry goes round
I keep this wreckage out of sight
And underground
All the mechanical progress
Is really just going
Around and around
But hey....

You beat yourself black and blue
About all the ways
You wish you could be
You kick your self around
For all the imperfections
That only you see
But from where I stand
Everything that you hate
About the way you are
And all the mistakes
They're the reasons
They're the reasons
That you're beautiful to me

That Look

I don't know where your light comes from
But it shines through this average world
And I don't know what your eyes see
But that look follows me around for days
For days

And I can feel you lost
Across this mountainous landscape
Your conflicts crack the smooth surface
Of your placid joviality
I don't want to be the cause
And I don't want to feel the effect

So I'm trying, trying
To hold both of us together
And police the insidious behaviour
Born out of a wave that can't be held back
And it's a bit like
Wrestling an angel
Maybe a battle that can't be won
But I'm gonna try
I'm sure as hell going to try my hardest

Storm clouds on a winter day
And I know you're leaving soon
It's only a matter of time
Before you can't hold on
So I'm cherishing these little moments
While I'm able
I'm holding onto your every word
While you're still kicking this can around

The forging of a new beginning

It's so precarious,
tenuous,
delicate,
fragile.
I'm shaking
Coming disjointed
By the sharp edges
Of expectation gone awry
Too many times
These little doll parts and my glass heart.

So in the here and now
Every moment is cherished.
Every word, reconsidered.
Vulnerability encapsulated
By moments
Both reminiscent and new
To which comparison
Fails to establish a threshold
In times like these,
The delete key is my friend.
The send button:
A world upon which is placed every hope.
Don't fuck it up, Marshall.
Not this time.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said that" keeps me up most of the night.
Awaiting the wave of rebuttal.
Or silence.
You have yet to let me down.
Maybe this time you won't.
And maybe this time, I won't.
Perhaps today
We're improved versions of ourselves
Because in this symphony, thus far
You've played every note to perfection.
Even though I know,
I'm always on the verge of being out of key.
We're yet to find the right tone.
Between what it should be and what it can.

Maybe this is the way new starts are forged.
Painstakingly,
Filled with doubt.
I really really hope you stick around.
And that I pull myself together.